I am not resigned

I am sickened once again by the school shooting in Florida. Seriously, this time, I feel like my soul just can’t take another mass shooting. I sat yesterday at my island, watching the mother of one of the victims, speaking out, and I cried. I could not help but feel her gut wrenching pain and I got angry. And I am still angry. What more has to happen? It is shameful, in my opinion, that the two sides (for and against bettering gun laws) can not grow up and work towards changing this situation.  I have heard the arguments on both sides, and it seems as though there will never be a coming together of the minds, but to do nothing, as has been done with every other mass shooting in America, is disgusting.  Yes, mental health is a huge issue, but pairing mental health with the accessibility of an AR-15? Frigging unbelievable. Oh yes, and if someone is set on committing a mass shooting, they will find a way to get a gun…. oh yes, probably true, due to the millions of guns that are now floating around the states, but does that mean it shouldn’t be made more difficult? AT LEAST TRY.

I know there is much more to this issue than I am even aware of, so I will not presume to know all of the facts regarding the second amendment and the different laws of each of the states, but common sense tells me that more guns = more death. I believe that has been proven, over and over.

What can a person who doesn’t even live in that country, and lately wishes she didn’t live this close to that country, do to help?  I hate the helpless, hopeless feeling I have every time another mass shooting is reported so I can not imagine what the people who have been fighting for years to better this problem feel like.  I am sad for them, for the 90% + people that agree that gun laws need to be stricter and are not able to see it done.

A favourite poem of mine comes to mind ( I will cry just writing it, and you might, reading it)


….and I am not Resigned (by Edna St. Vincent Millay)

I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.

So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:

Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely.

Crowned with lilies and with laurel, they go: but I am not resigned.

Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.

Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust

A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,

a formula, a phrase remains – but the best is lost.

The answers, quick and keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love-

They are gone. They are gone to feed the roses.

Elegant and curled is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom, I know. But do not approve.

More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.

Down, down, down, into the darkness of the grave

Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;

Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.

I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.




no comments
Add a comment...

Your email is never published or shared. Required fields are marked *

Mother Knows Best

Ok, so this post is going to be a bit of a rant, so I’ll apologize now, and warn you before it gets ugly…… I am running on a poor night’s sleep and a stressful day and a half…..deep breath.

So I have a 10 year old son who has had seizures for most of his little life. He takes medication for it and for the most part it is pretty well controlled. If he has a seizure, we have a rescue med to give if it doesn’t stop after 5 minutes and for years have been doing this. Only twice before now, we have had to call an ambulance and go to emergency because the med wasn’t working and he could go into what is called status epilepticus, a dangerous condition in which epileptic seizures follow one another without recovery of consciousness between themAnyhooooo, this is what happened yesterday, so here we are again. We were taken into emerg where they had to give him an IV and another dose of the rescue drug but he kept waking up seizing, so finally after 4 hours or so they loaded him up with an anti convulsant and finally he slept. We were in the trauma room for 8 hours. One uncomfortable chair to share, no food, no coffee and damn it, the docs wouldn’t even give us any meds to make us feel better either, lol! I am NOT complaining, mind you, about the care in emergency… it was top rate, although it did take 8 hours to get a bed in paediatrics….. but whatever…we got there. This morning is when I lost it a little:

So a paediactric doctor on call came in and proceeded to say to me, “You know that you have to bring Ben into emergency every time he has been given his rescue drug…”

And I said, “Pardon?” That’s not gonna happen.   I proceeded to tell her that we have been giving him the rescue drug probably once a month for 9 years and he almost always comes out of his seizure afterwards….. and this is where I wanted to become violent…

she says, condescendingly, “Well, did he THIS time?? 

I answered, (quite calmly, I might add), “Well, we are here THIS time, aren’t we?” 

If we had to bring him in to emergency every single time he was given his rescue drug we would have spent almost 900 hours waiting in emergency for a paediatric doctor to come and see us and then send us home. That is nuts and I wish sometimes that some doctors would give us parents a little credit for what the heck we have learned about our kids conditions over the years… we actually DO know them better than any physician and we know when to bring them in ….  we can list off their meds and what they do, their dosages, their symptoms, I could go on….. we tend to even lean on the side of caution more often than not, in my opinion. Now, over the years, we haven’t had many physicians treat us this way, but when we do, I instantly get irritated. It’s hard enough dealing with the day to day stresses of a disabled child but don’t “order” me to follow ridiculous instructions when you haven’t even done your homework on this kid. OH boy, Mama bear is out.

Ok , so rant over. Thanks for listening. I just needed to get that out there……. I feel better. And we are being released soon!

j  (crazy sleep deprived mother)

1 comment
Add a comment...

Your email is never published or shared. Required fields are marked *

  • I like it when you tell it like it is! And why do some doctors think they are the only ones who know anything?   – Kathy

Headline – Barking Drives Woman Insane

OH my GOD! Our dog has been barking for days. Days, I tell you. Every day, all gall darn day. There has been an increase, it seems, to the number of deer in our front (and back) yard these days and he just can’t control himself. He is practically foaming at the mouth. He jumps up on our window seats, knocking every pillow onto the floor, sticking his wet nose against the windows so that I’m cleaning windows every day. His barking, in turn, starts our other, less annoying dog (Piper) barking. She can’t actually jump up to see what he is barking at, so hers only lasts a little while before she gets bored and goes back to lay down. But not Leo. He does everything he can possibly do to scare away those deer. (and they are soooo afraid of him, lol….staring him down through the windows and then lying down to rest on the front lawn) It drives him mad, and in turn the barking drives me mad. Oh what to do? We have tried barking collars. He barks through them. We have tried squirting water at him when he barks but it is short lived…. he doesn’t learn. Anyone have any tips? He is no longer a puppy, at 7 years old, and is a smart little thing, but I’m sure his goal in life is to ruin mine. We must keep him in our room at night or he will bark at anything that goes on outside all night long…… CRAZY, I tell you.

Moving on….. we have been in the process of planning our new build and it is getting to the point where I can imagine the way it will feel. I am quite excited especially about the elevator and the fact that we will no longer have to lift Ben into and out of his chair, bed, etc. Although there is an expectation of a little snow today, the feel of spring has been in the air with the warm temperatures lately and I can’t help but get excited about breaking ground.

Um, also, it bugs me when people don’t proofread their blogs/websites and spell words wrong.  Is it too much to ask?

Sheesh. Anyone else having issues this morning?

I’m kidding… (kind of).

Have a great Tuesday and if you happen to be in the market for a dog, I might just know where you can get one.

Add a comment...

Your email is never published or shared. Required fields are marked *

  • Howard Fisher

    I wish you would make your font a darker color. It is quite hard to read but always very good! 🙂

  • Joan

    Well, for you Howard, I will do that! Thanks for letting me know !!! When in Kelowna next, we should have a coffee…. it’s been so long!!

  • I can’t believe you still haven’t contacted the Dog Whisperer — what’s his name again? – Kathy

Sitting too much is the new smoking?

Probably true. Maybe this isn’t new but hearing it put that way today while I was at my yoga class made me think about how much time I spend sitting. Luckily, I am not at a job where I have to sit all day, and even when I was working in the lab, you were always up and down, moving constantly. Other jobs included chambermaid for a hotel in Banff (cleaning, making beds), gas attendant and cashier (standing and walking back and forth, stocking shelves), shooter girl (thank god that one was short lived – never got to sit), teaching fitness classes ( well that’s obvious), and now my full time job would be taking care of my Benny (lifting often – this will change with the new house) and painting. I tend to stand when I paint or airbrush, unless i’m doing watercolour. During the day I am not one to sit around but come evening you can find me quite happily cozy on the couch with a book or my laptop, and most likely some kind of snack:)

Today is no different. Right now – cozy on the couch with the ol’ laptop. No snack though….yet. But earlier today I was active. The day started by taking Ben swimming at the H2O for a couple of hours, followed by a good sweaty yoga class (in which handstands happened), and then this afternoon I did a few rounds of circuit training at home. Now I sit, feeling the muscles that are tired from more movement in one day than I have been doing in awhile…. felt good tho, while it was happening.

Booked in on Wednesday for Physio (I’ve got a hip flexor tendonitis or some crazy thing happening that I need to attend to). It has been irritating me for 6 months probably but I just kept putting it off thinking I would heal myself on my own… ha! That doesn’t tend to happen so much anymore…. i’m looking forward to the pleasurable pain that kneading and digging into my hip will bring….

I never have smoked, darn it and now I can’t sit.


Add a comment...

Your email is never published or shared. Required fields are marked *

  • Brenda

    Enjoyed your article!  Yes, I sit all day at my job and only get up to get a client or escort them out of my office, otherwise sit all day in front of a computer.  My hip flexor are often really tight and my massage therapist is always telling me to stretch and exercise.  So, I better get my but back to the gym before I start walking like an 80 year old…

  • I’m reading backwards (entrywise) as I just saw your FB post that you’d updated (Sunday Feb4). I HAVE signed up for email notifications for your blog but haven’t received any, and now I only check my FB account once a week. -Kathy

and….we’re back

just like that….. a new year, new hopes, new aspirations, another trip around the sun.

I had the most wonderful couple of weeks off from my usual routine. I went to yoga only twice. I might have gone to the gym once. I indulged without guilt. I lounged when I wanted to. I SLEPT IN. I drank SO MUCH coffee (with CREAM!). I thought about drawing, but never actually drew. I read. I watched Netflix… yes I did….and quite alot of it, I might add. I shovelled alot of snow, and enjoyed the satisfaction it gave me and the wonderful fresh air in my lungs. I visited, ate and drank with friends, neighbours, family. I went on a hay ride. I went for walks while it bucketed down with snow. I never stepped foot into a store to shop boxing day sales. It was good. It was needed.

Today, I have jumped back in. The kids up and ready for school, already a couple of errands under my belt. Off to yoga in a little while and some groceries to grab. Thoughts on a healthy dinner including something green. A to-do list made up for the week, mostly full already. It’s no wonder we need a good break from it all at the end of the year. Perhaps finding the same kind of break throughout the year might be a good idea….. hmmmmm. 

I jumped back into sketching last night and while the grammys were on, I listened. I had to stop and pay full attention when Oprah gave her speech… how could you NOT? Powerful. True. Words.

Here’s to our world in 2018….. more peace, more love, more understanding.


no comments
Add a comment...

Your email is never published or shared. Required fields are marked *